If you would like to talk to a human, please put the phone down and turn to your neighbour.
If you’ve ever called a service provider of any sort, then you’ll be familiar with my story that follows.
And I might be a bit biased, but I think the UAE has the worst lot of them – if they’re asked anything that’s not scripted on their sheets, they haven’t a cooking clue of what to say, or how to direct you 😡
Calling a certain service provider on Thursday, all I wanted to do was ask a quick question about how I get the outstanding balance on someone else’s account.
And do you think I could get through to a human being on the other side of the phone? Or even the option to “Press zero for an operator”?
NO. That would be too easy.
Please press 2 for English.
For xxx services, please press 1.
For billing services please press 2.
For this thing, press 3.
For that thing, press 4.
Please enter your 10-digit account number
You have entered (repeats number). If this is correct, press 1.
Dear customer, please enter your 10-digit account number.
To return to the previous menu, please press 0.
To return to the main menu, please press *.
(this process is asked to be repeated because the account number does not match the one that I am calling from, but no options to then enter a different account number, and no option to speak to a human.)
I chose to then follow a route completely unrelated to what I was looking for, finally got through to an actual person and when I asked him what I needed to know he said “Please call this number *** and they will assist you.”
End call. Try the new number.
This call was even more interesting.
If you would like billing information for the number you are dialling from, please press 1.
If you would like (they go on to name 2 different options of billing) please press 2 (or 3) respectively.
None of the above are what I am looking for so I punch in 0, and * and #.
You have entered an invalid number. Please try again.
I choose to sit and wait, not pressing anything.
I eventually get the message:
You appear to be having difficulty using the system. Thank you for calling XXXX. Goodbye.